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Billy Brown

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ser raff [Aug. 24th, 2006|05:39 am]
ser raff got out while i slept. he got hit by a car and broke his leg. he was our oldest horse, he was the same age as me. as he sttod there in pain with a compund fracture, i couldn't get close to him to say good bye when i tried he turned causeing himselp an immense amount of pain by walking on his bad leg. i couldn't hold him and tell him that it would be okay. even though i knew he was going to be put down i just wanted to tell him. he deserved that.
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Books and Cost [Feb. 1st, 2006|11:05 am]
I go to usm for colledge, I have to buy books, just like any other student. recently i decided books costed too much as i have to buy them in peice meal as i need them as my budget is constrained. I bought my books from the "campus bookstore" (a "discount" bookstore, not the one on campus).
I then did some reasearch on the price of used books, the diffrence between the on campus bookstore the "campus bookstore" and used books on

Book1 4.50 4.25 1.35
Book2 4.50 4.25 1.25
Book3 45.65 41.75 19.63
TOTAL 54.65 50.25 19.63

%SAVINGS 0% 8% 64%

NOTE: this is based on the used book price, in actualaty the newbooks from cost more, but the discount from buying used at is enormus. Also i did not calculate shipping costs

*I in no way affilate myself with any of the afore mentioned corperations or universitys. It is simply a list of calculations and price checks as of 2-01-06.
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Egad, I've been tagged..... 5 wierd habits [Dec. 4th, 2005|10:29 pm]
Five Weird Habits

The first player of this game starts with the topic "Five Weird Habits of Yourself" and the people who get tagged need to then write a LJ entry about their five quirky little habits as well as state the rules of this game clearly. In the end, you need to list the next five people who you want to tag, and then go on to leave a tag comment on their LJ.

1. I love disasembling, assembling stuff. my room has beens in which are the parts of computers, calculators, vcrs, cdplayers and any amount of mechanical/ electronic devices.

2. I hate calculators. They induce brain rot. I belive your brain is like a muscle it must be USED IN ORDER TO STRENGTHEN IT. and your all like i use a calculator and obvously i'm not suffering from brain rot. maybe you are and your so rotten you can't realize it. and claculators have there purpose, and that is to do what is boring, repeditive, and that which you can't do. If you can do it on paper do it on paper, otherwise you will find yourself adding 1 + 1 on a calculator sooner or later.

3. I love books. I have many books. they are everywhere in my room stacked haphazardly, on any and all subjects I enjoy, which includes but is not limited to computers, comp sci (which dose not fall under computers), maratial arts, roleplaying(pen and paper rpg you sicko), massage, natural medicine, reading books, and all forms of handy person projects.

4. I like animals. I have an empathy towards them and we usauly get along. I am not afraid of being bitten clawed runover, kicked, bucked off, or any manner of punishment an animal can dish out. generaly speaking animals are fairly strait forward and easier to understand than humans, but I hate Cows. if I was a vegetarian i would eat hamburgers to spite them.

5. I like being hit. I like fighting and I enjoy loosing almost as much as winning as long as there is nothing at stake.

I tag vivian, sara ray, becca, josh jelin, and konekokage
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random musings and things [Dec. 4th, 2005|10:14 pm]
I live in maine, and unlike many of my friends I enjoy it here. summers are warm enough for me, they are full of fun in the woods, work, and grilled food fresh from the barby. falls are a time for pepole to get ready for winter. it is a time of acorns and apples. soccer and field hocky. infact I wish it would be fall all year round (except for hunting season, because i would not enjoy being shot wile i froleked through the woods). winter is the great rest. its a time for reading and sleeping. and then comes the dreaded spring. some say that it is a time of renewal, bah. spring is cold and messy and misrible. spring is a time for summer to taunt you and winter to strugle to hold on. and once the muck clears away it is summer again.

would skipping seasons be good for us? if we could should we choose to ignore the natural order of things to bypass that which has been for thousuands of years?

things happen for a reason. just because it may beyond your ability to precive why they happened, there still was a reason. and so it was when i was pondering in my room why can't pepole just be happy. then it occured to me that as much with the sasons happyness is defined by lack of happiness. sounds wierd, but i think pepole who are happy all the time just fail to realize that there unhappy. and unhappy pepole fail to realize how happy they are. and if this is the case how can i fail to realize how unhappy I am.
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Sexy quiz scam [Dec. 2nd, 2005|06:24 pm]
so the other day I took this sexy quiz its like oh find out how sexy you are. now me being me i realize that any quiz I take will not tell me how sexy I am. but I'm kinda curious so I take it. I got this uneasy feeling like somthing isn't right. usauly i listen to my feelings because there usauly right but this time I said what the hell ist just a quiz. Then it started asking too man y personal questions like how many times a week you masturbate and how long your penis is/ your bust size. at this point again the feeling came back but I blew it off, I finished the quiz and hit the complete button.

It told me it wasn't a quiz at all but that it sent my results to such and such a person. now I have a crush on so and so and she has all my person information. Great fun. the moral is don;t be a n00b like me and avoid this quiz. If you want to take a quize like this first fill it out with fake info and turn it in you can always just take it again if its not a scam.

on a more somber note this is just plain wrong. the closest thing I can compare it to is rape. although I haven't experanced rape i must assume this is what it feels like. here I am all safe behind my walls that I have erected for myself, behind the maze of gibbness, and it was all taken from me. they hit me with a tojen horse and I'm left to my anxiety attacks and a dull ache on the inside. why would anybody do this?
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lesser [Nov. 5th, 2005|06:37 am]
how many pepole think less of me due to my gay threads? there will be no arguing why you should or shouldn't i just wanna know.
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Inner turmoil [Nov. 3rd, 2005|04:13 pm]
[mood |distresseddistressed]

Ove the last thread. I steped on some fingers, mashed some toes, and failed to keep a professional demenor. I failed to assert my point correctly, then became frustrated when pepole didn't understand, pick at erenous information (that I included in the argument to begin with), and thought I was illogical. In turn I said aggressive or even mean things. for this I appoligise.

let me clairify somthing. I think being gay is wrong. in no way do i think that being gay makes you bad, or that you should be punished in any way shape or form. I do not belive that gays should be harrased and fail to see why pepole make a big fuss over what they do in there spare time. I think, as a society, elimintating discrimination one atribute at a time is foolish. and that we should protect all inviduals right to be an individual. It shouldn't be about gays rights, blacks rights, or womens rights. It should be about human rights, and a human should be treated as a human, not like some animal because they are diffrent.

that being said I realy don't care about the outcome of question 1. it is not the proper solution to our problem. extemd the law to sexuality and later some other group will be discriminated against. take away that and discriminate against gays. my real problem is how will I vote?

on one hand voting against repealing the law will protect there human rights (which counts for a lot).

on the other voting for it means that, for me, I will not be a party to encoraging that which I belive is wrong. but then again voting for repealing the laws also makes me a party to degrading human beings. Its sort've a catch 22. either way I volilate an ethic. I just don't know. the easy thing to do would to be to vote like my friends and vote against repealing the law, but it being easy makes me want to resist it. because if I give in now, for that reason, where will it end? will I in the end become defined by my friends. Is their opinion more important than my own?

Nothing worth while is ever easy.
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Gay Rights In Maine [Oct. 31st, 2005|06:07 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

Maine won't discrminate, the political group that is for gay rights, is spreading its propaganda. As such I feel a Moral Obligation to spread my own propaganda.

First and Foremost laws are in essence what we the pepole belive to be correct or incorrect. Thus someone trying to force his/her beliefs apon others is not nessisarily wrong, for it is the nature of the beast. How so? you might ask. well lets take gay rights for example; those for the law are inhibiting the right of those who wish to discriminate against gays, essentialy descriminating against the descriminators, and those against are forcing their oppinons on gays. In this both sides are equal and struggling not to be suppressed.

Maine Won't Discriminate is an oximoron. the absence of discrimination simply dose not exist. You are constantly making discitions and thus discriminating against what you deem to be the "lesser" options. Female's discrimnate against me every day. they decide arbritray things based on my gender and my looks (good or bad what ever you think). They may give someone more attractive than myself a break, where as, I would not recive one. Is that not the nature of discrimination?

I am Roman Catholic and as such do not belive being gay is a moral thing to do. Do I think you evil because your gay, No I do not. I simply belive it is not the correct thing to do. Much like I don't belive in sinning in anything. Do I hate someone because they have sinned? Not at all. Fore one of the central grounding points of my religion is ..."Forgive us our tresspasses as we foregive those who sin against us." Jesus didn't hate sinners (and lets face it to me he is THE MAN) and I shall try not to. But I do belive as an amoral practice I should not be a party to incouraging it.

That being established there are teo major reasons I belive gay rights in maine should be repealed. It is not a moral thing to do (understand that from my vantage point this statement is true, and that our government is bassed on the conglomerant of what pepole belive), I do not belive in "Special Rights".

Since I have already covered the whole moral thing, I will now cover the "Special Rights" Issue.

Extra punishment for hate crimes is wrong. It makes anyone who is not part of a maniority less of a person. If two pepole where to take a beatting, the same amount of punishment was dealt to both individuals dose that not mean that the punishment for the perpitraitors should be equal? not according to law. No if I was beat because I was tall and another beat beacause he was black (all other things being equal) the person who beat the blak guy would spend twice as much time in jail. I hurt the same as that black man but because I am tal and white my purptraitor only dose half the tie. Is that not the nature of discrimination?

My point is the whole law is illogical. instead of ending discrimination it purpetuates it. it makes discrimination legal it just switches the target.

Hate me, loathe me, spit apon my very charecter, but reconize this: I have a right to my opinion, I have a right to express my opinion. and by suppressing me you are discriminating. I took you case into account, did you do the same for me.

as always response is allowed if not encoraged I just ask for you to keep the same demeanor as I have. If you wish for a disscussion fine but be an adult about it.
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pain and suffering [Apr. 14th, 2005|05:23 am]
i'm going to fail out of colledge... I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I'm seeing a therapist but all that dose is make me feel beter, i still have no motovation. what the hell. one day i just stopped going to class and never went again. I'm in trouble and i'm pretty sure i can't pull this one out. its like mssm all over again. I'm a fucking idoit, i'm so pissed at myself. how did i let this happen. why am i all lame style all of a sudden. then the beter question coes up what the hell am i going to do with the rest of my life. I just don't know. I don't know where i'm at or where i'm going. I don't see a point. i've lost my way, and i can't find my way back. they threw some mood medication my way but all that did was make my depression go away, it didn't realy fix anything. what the hell is wrong with me. and further more why won't i take action...I mean to but never do. all I can do is whine about it. soooo lame
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Birth day [Dec. 8th, 2004|12:24 am]
IT's my birthday, wahoo. it's just another day.
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